20 Hilarious Quotes That Will Crack You Up

There’s nothing like quick wit, jokes and humor. Whether it’s coming from a good comedian or your best friend, when the words hit the right spot, at the right time, they can leave you in stitches. Some of these quotes are from some of the world’s greatest comedians and literary giants and others are from everyday people or anonymous individuals, but they all have one thing in common: they’re sure to make you laugh. So take a break from your busy day, sit back and enjoy these 20 hilarious quotes that will crack you up!

Sounds Tragic

“When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did–in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car” -Bob Monkhouse



“I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” -Douglas Adams

Finding Inner Peace

“My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” – Dave Barry

Staying Safe

“I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.” – Elaine Boosler