20 Signs You’re Not A Real Adult
Did you go to college? Do you currently pay your own bills, live apart from your parents and buy your own groceries? Congratulations; in society’s eyes, at least, you’re a fully functioning adult. You no longer have the comfort of your youth to fall back on and instead, you are expected to contribute to the smooth running of society at large. So no pressure, then.
If you find yourself as an alien amongst adults, you’re probably not alone. Look long enough at any 20 something and pretty soon, the terror they feel at being classed in the same generation as their parents will become pretty clear. Being a real adult comes with its own set of dangers and pitfalls and unless you know what you’re doing, the world can be a scary place.
You Have No Idea How To Deal With Breakages
As soon as something breaks in your house, you have a full on meltdown. Spending money on practical appliances never even crosses your mind and if something stops working, you just find out a way to live without it.
You Like To Combine Work And Alcohol
Working with a tipsy head is a weekly occurrence for you and even though your afternoon hangovers are like fresh hell, you see no reason to change your routine. You couldn’t possibly imagine having an early night on a Thursday.
Your Grocery Shopping Is 98% Snacks
The best thing about living apart from your parents is the power to do your own grocery shopping. While you want to start eating healthily one day, for now, you stock up on snacks and chocolate.
You Deal With Bad News Terribly
Pretty much every day in your world is a good day, so when things start to go wrong, you don’t know how to rationally deal with them. Your first instinct is to hide under your duvet and hope that everything sorts itself out by the time you resurface.
Getting Up Makes You Want To Cry
The worst part of your day is without doubt the morning. You associate the sound of your alarm with a new type of fresh pain and prising you body from your sheets takes concentrated effort.
All Of Your Plants Are Dead
You’re working your way up to a living pet by taking care of a few plants but somehow, every one of them has died under your care. You keep forgetting to water them and when you do give them food, it’s usually too much. Taking care of something else is hard.
You’ve Never Been Networking
In your opinion, networking is something that 60 year old men do at unspeakable hours in the morning. You’re pretty sure that if you ever had to attend a formal business event, you would have a full blown meltdown.
Your Parents Schedule Your Dentist Appointments
You still haven’t made the move to a new dentist so, every time you come home, you visit the same surgery that you did when you were a child. Your parents have a better idea of your schedule anyway, so you leave it all to them.
Making A Budget Freaks You Out
On the rare occasion that you try and budget for the week, you have a complete breakdown. Figuring out how little money you can actually afford to spend is so depressing that you go back to spending blindly, anyway.
10am Is Early For You
Getting up early is a very real challenge for you and anyone who wants to meet earlier than 11am is a crazy person, in your opinion. You can barely bring yourself to get to work on time and anything earlier than midday on a weekend is unthinkable to you.
You Communicate Via Emoji
If you look at your most recent text messages, it’s pretty likely that an entire conversation has been conducted in emojis. Written language is too time consuming for you and with your closest friends, you can say everything with a simple sign.
Snapchat Is Your Life
Most of your major relationships were formed and are sustained through Snapchat. You update your feed at every significant point in the day and your Snapchat followers are the closest people in your life.
You Panic When You Lose Your Phone
Being apart from your phone makes you break out in hives, so when you lose your phone, your world takes a nosedive. When you go out, you can’t seem to hold onto the thing for more than 30 minutes and discovering that it’s gone is seriously depressing to you.
You Invest Your Money In Alcohol
With the amount that you spend on alcohol and nights out, you should be a major shareholder in every alcohol company around the world. You can’t imagine a time when you wouldn’t enjoy going out and for now, it feels like a good investment.
Minor Injuries Completely Floor You
Each time that something in your body creaks or cracks, you have a full blown panic attack. Getting sick is not something that you deal very well with and each time you sprain your ankle, you prepare yourself for amputation.
You Don’t Know What You’re Supposed To Do With Politics
Now that you’re an adult, it’s expected that you take some sort of political stance. The trouble is, however, you have no idea what any of it even means. For now, you just follow the advice of your dad; he’s bound to be right, anyway.
You Never Have Clean Laundry
Trying to find a coordinating clean outfit before work is a very real struggle and even though you’re sure you just did a load of laundry, there is not a clean item in sight. At your parents’ home, clothes used to get miraculously clean but now, they just stay in the piles where you left them.
Your Baking Attempts End In Fire
Looking at the amount of cake pins on your Pinterest board, you would think that you should be some kind of master chef. In reality, your attempts to bake cookies always seem to burn the house down and each time, you revert to eating dough from the packet.
Essential Paperwork Gives You Anxiety
You’re certain that if all paperwork were to be eradicated from the face of the earth, we would be a much happier species. Essential paperwork makes literally no sense to you and when you’re faced with piles of it, you curl up in a corner and cry.
You Always Go Out On A Monday
At the end of the Monday working day, you can think of nothing better than going out to a bar. Your ability to work through a hangover is your best quality and at the start of the night, you can’t imagine regretting anything in the morning.