18 Things Parents Don’t Tell Their Teenagers

We Hate Sports

It’s getting up early, sitting around in the cold, talking to the other parents we don’t like, costs a lot of money, and always happens on the weekend when we were hoping for a couple of days of peace after working our awful jobs all week. And we know that there isn’t really much chance of you becoming an Olympic star and keeping us financially comfortable in our twilight years. At least pick a sport we’re interesting in watching.

You’re Not Weird

A lot of teenagers like to think they’re zany or weird, but trust me, unless you’re a hard core emo, you’re not that weird. In fact, most teenagers are pretty much the same. If you want to be different from all the other kids, string a proper sentence together and wear appropriate clothes for the weather. But screaming and giggling “OMG I’m so bizarre” does not separate you from the herd. Your mother probably had blue hair at your age, has she told you that yet?

Been There, Done That

Whatever you think you’re inventing, think again. We’ve been there, and it wasn’t as long ago as you think it is. We put our parents through the bad excuses and stupid behavior, the smoking and the drinking, and hanging out with the wrong people. And there’s also something we know that you don’t: none of it is much fun after a while, and it’s not worth it. That’s why we tell you to behave, because we know from experience, not because we’re trying to cramp your style. We’re just trying to save you some time and effort.

We Don’t Like Your Boyfriend

He’s an idiot. Just like our first few boyfriends were idiots. In fact, if we could have our time back, we’d probably skip those guys and spend that time hanging out with our friends and reading good books, rather than wasting it on ‘love’ that we didn’t understand. There’s plenty of time for relationships, wait until the boys grow up first.