20 Hilarious Food Jokes that Will Crack You Up
Most humans love food. Whether it’s through cooking, dining, picnicing or celebrating, most folks use food to mark the milestones and stepping stones of life. So, mix in a the right words and a little humor with your appetite and you’ve got a recipe for a good laugh. Below you’ll find 20 hilarious jokes about food. Some are from everyday people, others from unknown sources. And some come from the world’s legendary comedians. So sit back, grab something delicious, and enjoy these laughs!
A guy walks into the doctor’s office. A banana stuck in one of his ears, a broccoli stem in the other ear, and a carrot stuck in one nostril. The man says, “Doc, this is terrible. What’s wrong with me?” The doctor says, “Well, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly.”
‘McDonald’s ‘Breakfast for under a dollar’ actually costs much more than that. You have to factor in the cost of coronary bypass surgery.’
– George Carlin
An Apple a Day
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do? Keeps everyone away.
‘The remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served us nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.’
– Calvin Trillin
A squirrel walks into a psychologist’s office. Psychologist: What brings you here today? Squirrel: I realized I am what I eat…..Nuts.
The Lord and the Duchess
A lord dines with an elderly duchess one evening. Next day a friend asks him if he enjoyed himself. ‘Well,’ says the lord. ‘If the melon had been as cold as the soup, and the soup had been as warm as the wine, and the wine had been as old as the chicken, and if the chicken had been as young as the maid, and the maid had been as willing as the duchess then, yes, I would have had a very good time indeed.’
Q: What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?
Q: Why do watermelons have fancy weddings?
A: Because they cantaloupe.
Q: Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm?
A: Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.
Two cannibals were eating a clown. One turned to the other and said “This tastes funny!”
Questions to Ponder
What would we have called the color orange if it wasn’t a fruit?
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
If corn oil comes from corn, what does baby oil come from?
Dining in Outer Space
Did you hear about the new restaurant in outer space? The food is great but there’s no atmosphere.
Chickens: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
Raisin: A grape with a sunburn.
Chemicals: Noxious substances from which modern foods are made.
I hate it when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
The French on Food
Q: Why do the French like to eat snails?
A: Because they don’t like fast food!
Did you hear about the gourmet who avoids unfashionable restaurants because he doesn’t want to gain weight in the wrong places?
Joking With Eggs
Q: Why shouldn’t you tell an egg a joke?
A: Because it might crack up!
A funny thing with a diet, the second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you’re off it.
Mushroom walks in a bar, bartender says “Hey you can’t drink here.”
Mushroom says “Why not, I’m a Fun-gi!”