10 Pros and Cons Of Having A “Play” Buddy
It seems like a great idea, right? After a night out when you realize the dating pool is just getting less fun and more exhausting, you call up a friend for a casual hook up. No strings, no attachments, no worries – sounds perfect! Sadly, though, the whole friends with benefits deal can have just as many problems as dating. While there is plenty to recommend the act of messing around with a pal, there is just as much to discourage the practice. Here is a list of five upsides and five downsides to using a friend for sex.
Communication – Pro
As friends, it can be a lot easier to talk about what’s really on your mind. If something is going wrong, you’re already friends, so voicing your issues is not as tricky as it might be with someone you’re still just getting to know. As far as communication goes, being buddies first is definitely an advantage.
Communication – Con
When you add sex to an established friendship, it can also be kind of hard not to act like a couple. After spending so much extra time together in bed and figuring out each other’s bodies as well as each other’s personalities, communication comes easier in public as much as it does in private. This can be tricky when it comes to managing each other’s expectations.
Frequency – Pro
When friends start hooking up, it can be really great to get some action more often than you did before. Especially if you are coming off of a dry spell, fooling around with someone you see all the time is refreshing, to say the least. Sex every day? Whenever you want? Yes, please.
Frequency – Con
Getting together all the time can also run you into some problems, though. If you already hang out every day, adding physical intimacy can make it difficult to just hang out and do other friend-related things. Are you just watching a movie or are you pretending to watch a movie? Tension is not always a good thing.
Social Circle – Pro
When you have all the same friends, hanging out in a group not only gives you an excuse to see each other, it also offers the added benefit of the feeling of community. The more the merrier! The two of you can still hang out, but you’re not trapped in bed together twenty-four seven. There a lot more variety when you’re with more friends.
Social Circle – Con
Joking around in the presence of other people about the craziness the two of you were up to last night can lead to some awkwardness. If your friends are also their friends, you can be pretty sure everyone knows more of your business than you might have planned for. As great as a big group of pals can be, realizing they probably know at least a few of your kinks gets uncomfortable.
Proximity – Pro
When you already see each other all the time, getting to know each other better is incredibly easy. Pillow talk will help you learn a lot more about each other than just going for pizza. If done well, this can lead to a stronger friendship and help you understand one another on a much deeper level. For the best of buddies, that’s a good thing for sure.
Proximity – Con
Knowing everything about each other is not always the best idea if all you want is something casual. Chances are that in between conversations about work and family, you’ll more than likely also talk about relationship goals. If all you’re looking for is sex, knowing about your friend’s expectations can lead to a bit of weirdness.
Feelings – Pro
No matter how long you’ve been hooking up, the chances of developing deeper feelings for one another is much greater after having lots of sex. If you do decide you want more than just something physical, you have plenty of experience with getting to know each other in bed. Romance can come easier to people who already know themselves sexually.
Feelings – Con
Considerations of romance do not always balance out perfectly. If one person has stronger feelings than the other, what happens next? Do you enter into a relationship that’s unbalanced? Do you ignore it and keep screwing around? No matter what, the original friendship will most certainly be tested.